Year is about to change again and it is goal time. I just took all my life goals and made smaller sub goals for the year. Why make progress in only few areas of life when you can make progress in all. Some areas I aim to crush some I am more moderate. Not all goals are created equal.
I believe focus is one of the most critical skills in life. Focus is the ability to keep your eyes on your main purpose, the vision and goals that you have and ignore all obstacles. Setting goals and being introspective about what you want in life and why will give you more focus. More focus => more action => more momentum => more perseverance => more success.
1.Get in to non poker business. Make at least 1000€ in revenue. Make profit.
2.Get 12 girls
3.Drink more than 4 servings of alcohol max. 12 times in 2015.
4.Improvement in my areas of interests (Learning, reading) – Read/listen 50 books.
5.Using my time effectively. (Living life) – No more than 5 hours a week of bullshit TV. BS=Anything that is not aligned with values.
6.Get a business mentor or join a business mastermind group. (Costs don’t count against goal 1)
7.Eating healthy – Have more consciousness of what I eat. Don’t eat junk foods more than once a week. Don’t buy chips, candy, chocolate <75%. Don’t eat more than 4 liters of ice-cream.
8. Achieve the bachelor’s degree in business.
9.Exercising to have a healthy body – Exercise at least 3 times a week. Tabatha rounds/home exercise count for max 1. Exercise a week, walking must be atleast 1,5hrs to count as an exercise.
10. Be more introspective and strict about skipping things to the future. Procrastinate less. You can reschedule to calendar once, but then YOU DO IT. Using google calendar and marking the item as red with an alarm.
11.Interesting life with a lot of rich experiences. (Travel) – Travel to a new country.
12.Keeping a better track of my investments. Review my investments weekly. Mark down what is my net worth every weekend. Keep track of the change in % & €.
13.Learn Spanish. Complete 2000XP points on Duolingo.
14.Write 10000 words of business content on the blog.
15.Find a cool girl that I love to hang out with that is a win-win for both.
16.Developing a healthy social circle in Wasa. Getting connected with people who have a positive outlook. Hanging out with friends at least once a week. Having a good vibe within the group.
17.Make monthly goals. That I split to weekly steps. Prioritize.
I know 17 goals is a lot of goals, but it is not like I will implement them all at the same time.
It is quite a challenging list, but with enough drive and motivation they can surely be achieved. I tried to make most goals as measurable as possible.
I think the hardest ones are going to be 1-5. So I am setting myself some challenge.
I will keep a personal project list and update it atleast once a week and publish a public list every quarter.
“What gets measured gets managed” Peter Drucker
This is good, I kinda feel anxious about making my first montly goals. Shieet, I get to get back to the hustle soon.
The power of just making a list:
“Every act of a man springs from a hidden seed of thought, and couldn’t have appeared without them.” James Allen – As a man thinketh
At the beginning of summer 2013. I remember sitting home looking at my life with ‘damn, I am so rich and successfull, what should I do with all this momey and time?’
So I wrote down some things that would be nice to do. Just some writing, weren’t even goals or anything that I aimed to achieve. I found that file now, 1,5 years later and I have done 70% of the things in that list. Things that were just random would be nice to do things. Heres the things I did:
Mountainbike down the mountain.
Try out new foods.
Make friends from different cultures.
Live with locals in some remote culture.
See worlds misery, see poverty.
See natures miracles.
Sex with girls of different races.
Go kayaking in the sunrise/sunset.
Go explore nature.
Drive a motorbike.
Live traveling from hostel to hostel.
Fuck, that was a lot of cool shit that I got to do. I don’t know whether me writing it down had anything to do with them, science believes it does. Nevertheless it doesn’t hurt to think what do I want next. Had I not written these down I would have never known that I really even wanted these things happen to me.
Every time that your brain has a success, you just change the goalpost of what success looks like. (Get more money, get cooler girls)
It was 5 years ago that I finished my military service in the Finnish defence forces. From that point on I have worked to make something of myself. It has been upward trend ever since, every year I get a little bit better. It’s a lot of responsibility, when you are already on a pretty high level in life, you need to hit keep hitting up your craft consistently just to not fall back.
Year 2014 will be forever remembered as the year of the vagina. I got close to doubling my girl count. 13 girls got to experience me. That is so cool. Didn’t really make money but that was some good pussy. I did exert a lot of effort, I probably should have got even more after all I think I did around 400 approaches. My close rate just wasn’t that amazing, I learned a lot though. I feel like that this year as a person I matured quite a bit. Almost like easing in to a new phase of manhood.
Went to a town of Siem Reap. There is some old ruins called Angkor Wat. Almost 1000 years old, they form the largest religious site in the world.
Taking photos of tourists taking photos of a sunset.
All of these people hiked to this hill and then the sunset is blocked by a tree
Fuck yeah another sunny day. Dodging the monkeys
One of the million accidental selfies but a good one
To the top of the temple, people were so slow on those stairs. All afraid of dying
A really old shitter. Maybe the most interesting thing in the temples
A lot of faces
This is the sickest badass tree that has ever existed
Getting me some child labor massage. In Cambodia they put their kids to use, don’t hate on me, I am just supporting the local economy
Scootering around the coastal town of Sihanouksville.
Sihanouksville is a shithole. First time I have seen brownish water coming out of the tap.
Last picture in Cambodia it is one of these pictures that I wish would have come off better. A small girl making some money washing car windows. She noticed the camera and smiled to me.
If I have any regrets I wish I had been braver to photograph the misery and poverty of the Cambodians. If you think you are poor, you have not been to Cambodia.
To get away from the poor people I flew to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia and went to see the lights of the Singapore. It is a bit of a culture shock to go in a place that is so different. Due to trains being fully booked I only had 1 day in the town so I walked around trying to see as much as I possibly could full on Japanese style.
Banks occupying the best places in Singapore. That corner office is worth working for.
Singapore bay with some gardens on the other side
A free laser show by the bay
There is a 24/7 mall that you can by wheelchairs from any time you need one
Happy holidays. I have already made it back to Finland. Was a pretty kick ass trip. New life, new opportunities. Pretty excited it is going to be very cool.
Coming to Koh Phangan and approaching a bit and I noticed I was really rusty. It had been over a month since I was last in a nightclub and the whole trip I have been out pimping it only a few times. It just happened to be in Asia so I got laid on half my nights out.
Approaching a girl is bit of a big deal and my mouth is really rusty. It doesn’t feel like I have anything of value to offer to these girls. I am in a boring head space.
One thing that helps me on solo nights is to think: this is fucking brave. In my mind I just make it heroic.
The beach before tens of thousands of drunks come and trash it
I got a bit lucky to meet a thai girl from 2 nights ago. She becomes my momentum girl, I only need one girl to like me. She somebody that I can get things rolling with. Plan is to spend time a while before I bounce. This girl is too hyper, I can’t have any control over her, it gets annoying, I don’t feel good following a girl around so I bounce back to the action.
Couple of rejections, nothing too bad. And then I meet my drunk partner of the night:
I spot a girl that is out of the herd. She has a pretty face, not a very tight body but in the moment I just saw the face, which I liked a lot. I have good approach momentum going now so it doesn’t take me long to bite on the opportunity. I quickly find out that she has a girl friend with a dude.
We are sitting side by side in pairs and I look over, the other guy is playing it really fast with the fat friend. He is literally having her on missionary and dry humping her on the beach. My girl is like ‘gosh’ I have to watch this!
We spend about 15 minutes with them and then the girls need to go pee. As they leave to the bathroom my girl says to us: “wait here”.
3 dudes doing some borderline gay shit
The love in the night is on with both of the pairs. Definitely the move here is to follow them on the bathroom and just stalk for them to step out of there. However it takes me a while to convince the dude to follow them and we loose the girls. Now we are forced to wait there like dogs, hoping to get fed a bone. I am afraid of my girl talking the other girl, and just leaving us, and that is what I think happened when they don’t come back in almost 10 minutes… I tell the other dude “they’re not coming back”, he leaves, I stay, 30 seconds later the girls come back. Whoops.
The friend craves for her man. I think we all miss him. With the 2 girl groups it would be nice if everyone could be having fun. The more 1 on 1 you can get with the girl the better, now I have to divide my attention to both of them. I wan’t to get rid of the fat one.
Since I am now there with 2 girls i happen to leave a lot of distance to my girl and she starts to get approached by some random dudes. I get completely ran over verbally by some Brit who happens to be from the same little town as her. Good thing is that I am patient, and I just simply outstay him. The second one is more critical, this Israeli guy is all over her and she is giving her the I wan’t you eyes. It seems like there’s nothing I can do to save it, she seems hypnotized by him. I want to just leave but I decide to stay in it anyway. I have been very passive so I go in with bit of my own verbal barreling. You just hope to get the ball back so you can start running the play again and hopefully manage to do it in a non needy way.
Talk loudly: Israeli!? I can tell.
Me coming in just disrupts him and soon he fades to the distance. That seemed easy. I think most dudes are a bit timid, they aren’t looking to battle it out for girls, which kinda makes sense when there is still a lot to go around. Also it probably ended up looking quite money to the girl when I kept my calm and stayed quite indifferent.
Weird thing is that as long as you don’t loose her, her getting gamed by dudes will help you.
Most of them will suck, you are so much better in comparison.
It gives her a bit of an emotional ride and as long as you are with her the emotions she experiences will just transfer to you. You are the cool guy that showed her all this.
They sell just bucket loads of alcohol everywhere
We go have a tarot card reading and we loose her friend on the progress. The friend has my girls money and phone. Been on this situation before, no biggie. Plan is just to stay in and see how it develops. My girl wants to really find her friend. Luckily the beach is so crowded that it is a long shot. No friend, no options on where to spend the night. The search goes on for an hour or so.
During the search I bump in to a big black dude. I instantly say sorry, I’m well behaved. But this fucker throws a left hook that lands straight to my jaw. Whattafuck!? I am surprised, usually brothers are quite chill. Later I am also a bit puzzled of my reaction, I am just so calm and only concerned of how to play out the situation so I don’t loose face to my girl. So I keep my cool though and just let it go. Understandably my girl is going mental about it. I escaped with no pain, I think my Muhammad Ali like head movement saved me. It is a little obstacle on the way the faster I can get over it the better, i never brought it up again.
Blue and white, those are the colors of the Finnish flag! Did I just got played!
I try to convince her that the best thing we can do is to go to my place, and message her friend on WiFi. She doesn’t buy it but it doesn’t really matter when I get her to walk home with me anyway.
I am just 10 minute walk of the beach, but this is nightmare 10 minutes… First we have to go on a shitty bridge by the beach for a few hundred meters, this bridge is in such shit condition missing planks and railings.
After the bridge go with narrow stairs up to bungalows, go through the bungalow area to a back alley and through a yard and then you’re at mines. If you happened to be a rapist murderer, this is where you would do it. The upside: once you get her moving just a little bit on the bridge she doesn’t want to turn back, she learns to trust you and you will be her knight of night.
After I pull her through that shit and I get her to mine it’s easy.
The flag of the United Kingdom
I gotta tell you boys. I have been to London and I have seen the Big Ben, but the only way to really experience a nation is to get between the legs of its women. Brits have the biggest boobs in Europe and my research supports this 100%.
I have noticed a little pattern whenever I get a girl I automatically wake up early in the morning breaking it down and writing it up. Took one last photo, just for the memories before we broke up.
I grew up the first 2 decades of my life, pretty much in a complete isolation from girls. In my nerd circles there was no girls at all. I could see some at school but I didn’t dare to talk to them. I remember if I liked some of the girls they weren’t ever the prettiest ones. They were always the average ones, whom I though I might have a tiniest chance with. In my teens, it didn’t really bother me that I didn’t have girls in my life because it didn’t really even occur to me that I could. My life was just entirely dedicated to spending time playing games on my computer.
I remember when we had a graduation dance in our middle school, I was too much of a pussy to ask any of the girls to dance with me. And looking back I can’t blame myself since I never talked to any of them. And there is no reason they would like me since I was about as nerdy as a nerd can get. I regularly wore the same big logo clothes days in a row, no sense of style whatsoever and with glasses and I was a bit insecure about looking quite a bit younger than others. When the graduation day came, I didn’t have a dancing partner. My good computer friend didn’t have a partner either and I thought I might have a chance to beat him, since I was only the 2nd nerdiest dude in the school… Oh well, he didn’t arrive to the dance. There was 2 girls left for me and thus I ended up dancing with some leftover girl who looked like a librarian. And the girl who was left all alone had to dance with the gym teacher. I think she was happy that she didn’t end up with me.
I can remember my first actual approach that I ever did with punctual detail. It must have been back in 2008, I was just a young 18 years old kid, innocent and just happy to be in the bar. I had made a secret commitment to myself, if I see a perfect opportunity for an approach I would do it…
Back in the day my standards for what I could approach were really high, I wanted the situation to be absolutely perfect. On that one faithful night in this Tampere bar I spotted this perfect opportunity. A young girl, looks approachable, alone, in the quiet area and has a seat next to her available. I am just stalking the situation for a few minutes, in the back of my mind hoping it would go away. Time keeps passing by and she keeps sitting there so in couple encouraging minutes later I realize that the situation is just too perfect, I can’t keep postponing it anymore. So I awkwardly walk over there, try to be confident, say my pathetic preplanned shit that I hoped she would like. I’m so nervous the whole room could sense it, I can’t look her in the eyes and my voice is crumbling under the pressure. The whole event is over in 20 seconds. I didn’t get the girl, but I do remember walking home pretty proud that night. I had actually talked to a girl. It was a hell of a start.
There is some stories more pathetic than these. It wasn’t really until the spring of 2010 that I started the journey to become the amazingly cool man that I am today. That’s when I started to see some light at the end of a long tunnel, I realized that I could get good at this. That was very much a turning point, once you realize you can get good, you have to, because otherwise you are going to resent the missed opportunity for the rest of your life.
When you grow up without any success with chicks you’re brain has kinda placed yourself in the pecking order. It would be unnatural for me to not feel nervous since I have no positive references to back it up. You can’t negotiate confidence logically in your mind, of course you should feel confident talking to a lightweight being who can not hurt you physically but the confidence just won’t be there.
I had a terrible approach anxiety. A lot of it was caused by perceiving that for it to work the approach must be perfect, there is no other way in my mind that a girl could like me. There was no confidence behind what I did so, it couldn’t have worked no matter technically perfect my approaching was. I had no momentum whatsoever.
So it is clear that my history doesn’t provide me with the perfect start with this shit. However I definitely did have some things going for me that allowed me to improve:
1. I never thought of myself as a victim.
2. I believed I could improve at it, that you are not born with some level of women wooing ability.
3. I didn’t despise or hate girls. I always thought there were at least some nice girls.
4. I had low expectations, I was never too hard on myself.
5. I had a lot of leverage to improve.
You probably wouldn’t know this by looking at me now, but approaching a girl used to be a big event for me back in the days. Of course over the years I have gotten used to the constant never ending cycle of rejections but I have also learned to deal with the pressure better. The fear has not completely gone away but it is largely suppressed that it feels heck of a lot less intense. Having battled myself up from the lowest ranks I do have one ace up my sleeve, any level of fear I could experience now, is just a joke compared to how tough it used to be.
These days I view my past as honorable. I survived failure and I didn’t give up. Bad experiences shouldn’t make you feel like a victim, they should make you feel invincible.
What did I learn about the fears and how to beat them?
Based on the first 20 years of my life, I don’t think almost anybody would have held it against me if I just married the first non horrendous girl would happen to like me. I kinda figured out a process to get over these fears, if I follow the process I tend to do well.
There is no magic solution to transform anyone overnight. Trust me if there were, I would know about it. However I know several things that can help to ease it…
Get your brain working
You can change your lifestyle habits to get yourself more conscious. When you live more healthy you are not as powerfully pulled by your thoughts and emotions anymore. By healthy lifestyle choices you can reduce your baseline stress levels a lot and you will become more resilient to other stress factors.
When you feel nervous, do not make fear your enemy. You want to focus on the nervousness by feeling it, but at the same time realize that you are not your feelings and you are not your thoughts. Do not identify with these things on any level. When you accept your fear you get used to it, if you fight it you give power to your fear and it strengthens. You can not fight yourself out of fear. Just stay as the observer of your emotions and don’t get attached to them. Stay conscious of your limiting beliefs, you’re inner narrator will be telling you that you are worthless, see it in a humorous light.
If you don’t have a lot of experience, you will have a lot of these virus-like thoughts in your head. You will have a higher tendency to rationalize not approaching. Be aware of this kind of emotionally based logic. Your emotions will largely dictate your thinking, your thinking will not relieve you out of your fear. You can not negotiate yourself from feeling an emotion. That is why your conviction to approach at the beginning of the night needs to be strong.
Protip: If you feel like you go inside your head a lot and you have these self-destructing loops of negativity. Give meditation a chance. Do it for couple months and see if it helps.
Your mind and body are interconnected
If you feel scared on the inside, it is still beneficial to act confidently on the outside, your mind will catch up on your behavior and the confident feelings will follow. You will enter a positive feedback loop and other people will start to respond to you in such a way that will confirm and support these emotions.
Do things that are little outside the social norm: sing loudly, jump around, rise your hand in the air and yell freedom! Getting in to peoples space a little bit will make you feel more in control, more powerful. This feeling of power will change your outlook on the situation and improve your optimism and self-esteem. You are now more likely to play for the win.
Protip: You will find it easier to flow on the mental level when you have movement in your body, move with the music. Ever wondered why thinking is easier when you are moving?
The power of momentum never seizes to amaze me. It is almost like you can unlock a whole new part of yourself with regular action, a part that was hidden and you didn’t even know it existed. There has been times when I have had sick momentum and it makes things so much smoother. That is when game becomes fun.
You can never know what is going to happen in a single night. Only thing you can be certain of is that over time you will improve in your consistency. My best nights look as amazing as my worst nights look awful. I know that by building my night up the right way I maximize my chances of having a great night.
Managers try to solve problems why leaders try to build momentum. Because leaders know if they just build momentum they will solve 80% of their problems with that momentum. – John Maxwell. Leadership expert.
Memory is state access dependent meaning that you will remember specific things from the emotional state that you are currently in and also interpret your experiences through the mood you are in.
If you are feeling good you will tend to be in a winning focused mind state when you are looking at what is there to gain by approaching. You will look at the upside when you approach, this will give you the aura that you must not get rejected, since why else would you hold that belief? A lot of the time it will end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have noted that very often I am a bit cautious up to the point that I get the first girl that approves of me, it doesn’t have to be anything special, but that is usually where I flip in my thinking from the why I shouldn’t, to the beautiful thinking of why I should. I think it is my mind realizing that nothing bad is going to happen and something good might happen. So there is only an upside to approaching, it is easy to play when you can only win.
The thing I have learned is true more than anything is that the self is always coming through. You might fool a girl for a little while but if you are not the man you are presenting yourself to be, the girls will pick up on this. Building momentum is about getting your best most confident, witty, relaxed and sexual self out. I find it very helpful to try to act like myself like I would when I am really on and witty, throw in some extreme humor, even when it fails it reminds me that I am that guy, I slowly start to feel more free.
I wan’t you to find out what works for you in your nights? You should ask yourself, what is the best way to get yourself in to the zone?
Some people it seems better to just chill out, some people want to get a couple approaches under their belt right away. I find that getting rejected a couple of times works for me, it helps to realize that it is not so bad. You will essentially numb yourself to rejection and you will no longer fear it, you will stop caring. During my nights if I take a lot of action and my brain will have the proof that it is safe and cool and I will develop a relaxation response that will kick in during the first few seconds of the interaction. Confidence just happens automatically when there is nothing that holds you back.
If you feel like the approaching is a bit overwhelming I think its usually just best to start approaching right away. Your brain is looking for proof that you are safe, you cant convince yourself that nothing bad is going to happen, instead take so much action that your brain starts to believe it is okay to approach.
The longer you wait for the right moment the more you over blow it in your mind in to this huge thing and the more stress you build up. There is a simple rule that I try to follow: Whenever you hesitate, err on the side of action.
One way to build momentum
It doesn’t matter what mood you start with, it matters what mood you end up with. Good or bad mood at the beginning of the night is not a guarantee of anything. Understand that you’re emotions go in waves, they come and go. Maintaining a super positive mood for the whole night can tire you out.
After all it’s not about being in an pumped up state or being in a relaxed state it is about being in a positive state or negative state. Your brain at positive performs significantly better than it does in negative, neutral or stress. When you feel positive confident your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy level rises, you will be more apt to take risks, you will be more dominant, ambitious and aggressive. With this new powerful testosterone filled brain you are more likely to get win.
Over time you will develop personal leadership, ability to lead yourself to do the right action. Trust your own judgement. You know what the right thing to do it. Don’t hesitate, just take action, take responsibility for your own decisions. As a man you will have to take responsibility, as they say: true leadership starts with the self.
Being you is what makes it all work
The biggest AHA concept for me was that: the key to getting girls is to not disqualify yourself by not being you.
The way I think this in my head is kinda like a salesman selling a product, where your character is the product and your tactics and game are the advertising. You might good at selling a shitty product but she is going to eventually test you and find out that you suck. On the other hand you might have amazing product with shitty advertising, you are not going to realize your potential. Ideally you will have both down, but the character is what allows it all to work.
Assume that she already knows you, she is just checking whether or not you are being yourself today. Be like you would naturally be, peel down the layers of social conditioning. See how little boys treat and tease girls, girls are just big dorks, stupid in a cute way but still lovable. It is not your natural inclinations to be stifled, afraid, logical or try hard. Girls get weirded out by this kind of behavior, they get confused.
Connect with that competitive masculine spirit again, you should feel a little better than others by default, not in a arrogant way but inside you will always trust yourself. If you are not feeling like this, you are not living your life the right way.
If I had to summon my best game in just one word, that word would be boyish.
If I am struggling the mindset that will auto correct it all is, ‘be boyish’.
It is the whole overall character. For me it means not taking girls seriously, having a playful attitude towards life, fucking around, being free of outcome, being the buyer, being entitled, being positive and being innocent. All in just one word. No need to make it any more complex than that.
Get out of the of the perfect pickup mindset. Every single time a man gets laid it was a bit messy. You don’t need to be perfect, for a normal guy there is always some pussy.
I used to be massively guilty of the perfection thinking. To get a girl to like me, I thought I would need to make like verbal back flips, be super on at all times and push all kind of emotional buttons.
Here’s something I have noticed with guys:
Beginner: Just scared and sucks
Intermediate: In your face, seeks to be impressive
Advanced: More calm, does not seek to impress
At the end of the day it is your character that is or is not getting laid, you do not need to be that much more charismatic than the average guy. You should realize that you are naturally good already, none of us were born impotent. What is likely stopping you is all kind of bullshit social-conditioning that you need to unwind. You might not throw a snowball at a girl you like anymore but you are wired with instincts that work.