Oh yeaah, combined the topics in to the headline.
One of my core weaknesses seems to be my ungratefulness.
People often express that they envy my life. They say, If I were you, I would be so happy.
I call bullshit. We adapt to our experiences, like a drug addict everything stops feeling amazing after a while.
When you’re winning in life hedonic adaptation is a bitch.
When I looked ways on how I could be happier. Gratefulness came up all the time.
So I tried some daily gratefulness journaling, but I just couldn’t take it seriously.
All those ‘I feel so gratefuls’ and ‘I am incredebly fortunates’ got to be a joke after a while.
Dropped it after a week.
Kinda dropped the whole thing for couple months.
Then I was reading a book by Sam Walton, the founder of wal-mart.
A book he wrote as an old man on his deathbed when he was dying of cancer.
That got me thinking, how would biography look if I were 75 on dying of cancer.
So I just started writing a bit of my own biography. It gave me a lot of perspective and made me realize that I have lived an amazing life. There’s so much to be grateful for. So many adventures, so many trips, cool shit, girls :), awesome people. If most people at my age had to write their life story it would probably be really boring. I can say at 25 I have lived more than most people will in their entire lives.
Old people are always regretting the things they didn’t do. I didn’t do everything and by no means have lived my life to perfection but I have got to experience a lot cool shit. Right now, there’s not many things I wish I had done that didn’t that would be significant.
So I have settled in a new hometown 🙂
I am definitely a lot more mature of a dude than the one who left almost 2 years a go. Although I don’t like it I feel like an adult now. Last time I came here in 2010 it was the first time I lived alone. Now I have lived everywhere. My worldview is definitely larger now.
I am taking a lot more responsibility of my situation. Cant change it so get on with it.
The whole thing in 2010 started with a bit on a wrong foot, it is hard to enjoy something wishing you were somewhere else.
A brother is pimping it
When you start thinking of things being bad they tend to look like that. I have it ridiculously good, people abroad never understand that I get paid to study. If I choose to live 8 months of the year somewhere, it ain’t that bad.
So I am careful to only keep up a positive attitude. There’s always a little bit of awesomeness in every situation that you can focus on. Just force the positivity 🙂
I noticed that I was feeling a bit deflated at the beginning of the month. Its a bit of my trademark fault of mine if I feel like I’m not getting results.
That’s one of the dangers with having really big visions for your life, you may start to just grind it out hoping you would be there already. You loose you touch with the process.
When you do it for the right reasons the whole thing comes alive. So I make sure I study for the passion to learn, for the passion to understand how the world works not to get a degree. When I’m focused this way I’m more engaged and alive. The more I can tap in to the inner curiosity the more I learn.
Everybody is always saying its about the journey, not the destination.
Not sure if I completely agree but I definitely need to to give myself credit for the progress.
So for the past couple weeks I have just been focusing on how awesome I am and how awesome everything I do is. When you do this you eventually have the potential to evolve in to a massive asshole.
Exactly a year ago I was like this to the extreme.
You can ask girls 1, 2&3 of 2014 what they thought of me.
Full of himself, thinks he is amazing, self centered…
As fucked up as it is the girls kinda start to believe it. ‘Attraction is not a choice.’
All the traits of a fuckable man were there.
Entitled. (I’m awesome, I deserve the best)
On his purpose/self belief. (No doubting)
Sexual intent. (Of course she wants me)
Positive-dominant. (Leads with good vibes)
They don’t like you as a person but they still get aroused by you. When you value yourself over anything you’re not going to put her on a pedestal and let her run all over you.
Its a great way to live life.
Too bad these don’t go too well with poker and I did get sloppy on that.
After a little streak, I kinda realized this is doom and the next couple of months I adapted a learning mindset and really humbled myself back down which was very good for my poker game.
I happened to hit a bit if a rough patch in getting the important things in life (money&girls)
I never realized it until my flatmate pointed out to me that I was being very deflated, what happened to the fighting spirit?
I had went too far to the other direction.
I wasn’t giving myself credit and wasn’t enjoying the journey.
When I am like that I am dull company and often it can turn out to be a little bit of a self fulfilling prophecy, you approach challenges doubting yourself a bit too much and so you fail.
My 2015 has been very productive. But it has also been a grind. Since I don’t really believe in taking time off I focus on the awesomeness.
Science says it takes om average 66 days to form a habit. Anybody who has ever disciplined themselves to do anything probably knows the feeling of things getting easier.
“You form your habits and the habits form you”
Reading 2 hours a day feels effortless now.
Not watching TV us effortless now.
Cold showers are effortless now.
I’m starting to believe life is all momentum. I really don’t have as much willpower as I think I do.
This can be good news if you have momentum you don’t have to struggle so much.
On the other hand if you don’t, its a though climb back to the top of the momentum-hill. This is even worse if you have once tasted the sweet taste if momentum and now you suck.
I feel like I lost my momentum a bit with girls.
Do not loose your momentum. It is dangerous. You might never get it back.
I struggled when I got back to the dating game in Vaasa. Its hard to accept to yourself that you might have to just suck through a short period. Im sure its largely an ego issue, you dont want to face up to the reality of you not being amazing at game, you dont want to reveal your worst game
But I definitely had some inner blocks with this town also. Its weird in Helsinki I just pimp it to the core and then I go to my hometown for example and its just like a different guy shows up. The old me, as if my brain has made some distinction. This is how you act in this environment.
I have always been a momentum guy. Some people can just go talk to a girl and do well. I never seem able to do that.
Some people need their beer, I need my momentum.
The need for solitude:
I think I have been pushing myself a bit too hard.
‘All work and no play makes johnny a dull boy.’
I have experienced this before as well. The more I hustle with life the worse I do with girls.
I think it’s because I have just given up my soul. I’m drained, there’s no personality coming up.
It seems to be really important for me to spend time in solitude. Just me and my thoughts. I always used to do this until I started to read and listen to books any spare time I had.
Now I go talk to a girl my soul is fucking dead. Its not just a momentum issue. It’s more of a lifestyle issue. You become too perfect and perfect is boring. Girls don’t wan’t perfect. They want a guy who is loose and free, who is alive and stimulating.
So I need to make sure I have a real passion and interest in the daily activities.
I might be going after too many goals, I will create some kind of priority between them. Not all goals are created equal.
I think the distraction free dinners where I am just eating are really good for the soul. I did this last night and felt just felt really content, fulfilled and happy, almost like a spiritual experience.
It might be good to get a girl in my life to counterbalance goals… And funny enough.. Just as I thought of that I realized that it was one of the goals 😀
Getting rich in Finland:
So I am looking for a bit of inspiration for work and head on to the sites where they sell some property.
Looking at places to live in Tampere and this little coastal town of mine. You can’t find anything upper class from outside Helsinki. For over 600 000 euros, you have 1 option in central Tampere. A bit smaller than our place in Prague and is not that special. Less room and not as pretty as my place in Malta.
This made me feel really uninspired
There is a message here, what does this tell you?
Apart from Helsinki, almost nobody is even moderately wealthy around here.
It’s probably the easiest country in the world to live a mediocre life. It’s definitely not the best country to get wealthy in.
This country could use some American dream mentality. The Finnish dream is just to be safe secure and to live mediocre. Fucking depressing if you ask me.
Actually every time I look at places I get a bit my mood gets a bit down. How horrible would it be to live in a same place for decades?
My soul would die.
As long as the condoms don’t break it’s easy to say but I’ve always felt like I can’t settle down for one place for too long.