I think these kind of posts should come with a warning: If you are not doing enough approaches you will not understand this. Read it at your own risk because with it, you risk getting more confused.
In game you will go through ups and downs, just like in most things in life. However in game the ups and downs tend to be pretty drastic. It is said that the biggest thing between a guy who is just good and guy who is great is just consistency. And to get consistency I find that it is good to come back and revisit the basics every once in a while. One great resource I have is my blog posts; they are powerful because these are my exact thoughts with my own wording. It is helpful to reconnect with my epiphanies and remember what I have already discovered; it is almost like having a coach. If I am not getting good results, the best way to reconnect with my successes is to visit my past.
In my game I am in a place now where it all makes sense to me again. I am not confused about things, I know exactly what to do. I have such a clear mind about this right now that I wanted to spend couple hours just writing it down in summary.
Good game is not flashy.
The game is not about this flashy attraction stuff, the goal shouldn’t be getting instant makeouts or flakey phone numbers to feel good. Rather it is about slow arousal, seducing over time. The goal is not so much to make them attracted. Rather the aim is to take tiny steps together that lead towards sex. Starting patiently, slowly and steadily up the ante, getting the ball rolling towards the close.
2 goals when talking to a girl.
1. Turn them on
2. Get them to chase you
What most guys don’t realize that she doesn’t allow herself to get turned on by a guy she doesn’t really trust. It is like the emotions of uncertainty and anxiousness prevent the seduction from happening. Rather than being flashy, game a bit under the radar. Give her a chance to rationalize that he is just social guy, nothing wrong here. There is a saying that good game should not look like good game.
Taking the stress out of pickup and making approaching fun.
For me success in approaching comes down to couple things.
Firstly, the most important thing: Self-amusing, not taking yourself too seriously. Very important to not be afraid to make it awkward, as a matter of fact it is better if you make it awkward, realize that awkward is funny. Making it awkward also powerfully demonstrates that you can handle it without going inside your head or becoming weird. On the nights that I embrace the awkwardness, my vibe is shitload better.
“Anything you do to not make it awkward will be awkward.”
I think one of the best skills for any guy is the ability to throw yourself in to a situation without anything in his mind. The best guys can open without a plan, with a clear head. If you are thinking about what to say, you are already caring, you are already in your head and you are placing too much value on the interaction. No thoughts, nothing, just throw yourself in to the fire and most likely it will go good, your natural self will come through.
There is this inner genius that exists in us when our minds are blank, when we become self-forgetting. Let your mind come up with something and it almost always will. But first you must throw yourself in to the situation and then and only then can your mind express its ingeniousness. The reason why I sometimes don’t have anything to say before opening is that I am trying to preplan it and preplanning leads to being stifled, it leads to having massive a filter.
At times it should look a bit sloppy. Sloppy means it is natural, girls love natural over technical. It is masculine to be free, it’s like the girls sense that it is in your core and that is why they actually think positively of approaches that are imperfect but natural. The key is not caring, not being too effected by others opinions, this is masculine and it is powerful. The girls will sense that you are not even trying. Just having fun, fucking around, self-amusing, shooting the shit with completely random topics.
And this is where it gets kind of paradoxical. It is not even approaching so much to get a result it is more exploring the possibility of the interaction and then seeing if it has potential to develop in to something, if it can’t at least you had fun.
This is very different from the typical mindset where you either win or you lose. In a sense it is not even an approach per say. You make it easy to yourself because there is nothing to fear, you are not putting yourself too much on the line which is easy for your ego to handle and as a result you will be freer. In general it is good to not have too big of an ego about your pickup skills, because you are open to ‘failing’ and people can connect with you better. When you don’t have massive expectations, you are free to just be you.
I think of ‘approaches’ as more like testing, the best way of describing it is that you are kinda just seeking out the ovens that you can slowly start to warmup. Because usually it is not on or off right away, it is more like seeing which ovens you can start to heat up slowly.
You are not putting in any more effort than is really required, and because you don’t put so much effort in to it, you make the interaction a lot more manageable. You start with a little bit of a lower stimulation which means she will not overdose on it. She will not feel this big emotional drop because you didn’t take her too high to begin with.
So much of it is just reconnecting with that boy in yourself, you reconnect with the zone where you feel free and automatically have fun. Game is supposed to be fun. Don’t work hard all week to go out to hate it.
That is why I don’t really do direct approaching anymore. After a while direct approaching is kind of boring. I don’t want to get to the ‘He is here to meet me’ frame it is way better to get to the low pressure. You get the girl to wonder whether it will happen and you look like you don’t really expect it to happen, this gives it space to just happen.
It was really good for me to go out 5 nights in a row in Madrid with my old Budapest wingman because it all makes sense again. It is like a bootcamp where I get to connect with my soul and fix some of my issues. A lot of action, sober and then breaking everything down will get you results fast.
Going out a lot you kinda find your own style, your own game. It was also relieving because game has been difficult for me for a while now probably because I have lost my love for life, life has become too much of a grind and it has begun to lack joy and humor. So my mission for the next few weeks is to cultivate that joyous life attitude again. Not taking myself so goddamn seriously all the time.by